Shear Le Boofont

OK. I won’t write a long drawn out defence of the film. I just want to say it was bloody good fun watching robots hit each other. Sure, there’s not enough of the actual Transformers in there, and Shia LeBoufont’s girlfriend cannot act and is a waste of time. And Patrick Dempsey is looking old and portly. But there are some important reasons why you have to see it;

1. The action is astounding. What they do to Chicago is mental and must be seen. Good, total annihilation of humanity. A little reigned in to get a kiddy friendly certificate but good stuff all the same.
2. John Malkovich is a mentalist. Just plain old mental. He didn’t just take the pay cheque and run. He took the pay cheque and used it as an excuse to be a nutter. The man deserves an Oscar. He’s like the living incarnation of the phrase “mad as a box of frogs”. Worth paying money for. The tan….the teeth….MY GOD!
3. You can see what’s going on. 3D helped Michael Bay clam the hell down and stop forcing people into epileptic fits every time a Decepticon breaks loose. Thank the Maker…
4. It just bloody Transformers. Leave your brain at the door and enjoy it. Don’t take it seriously…roll out.
5. Bay does manage to conjure up a sense of impending doom. You do think that the story’s protagonists are up for a good hiding and although you know they will come through it, they take a bit of a pasting. It’s silly stuff, but it is good silly stuff with a heart.

For a 32 year old man to think he had money well spent at the pictures watching superfluous guff of the highest calibre has to be a good thing, right?! And if it is any consolation, Shia LeBoofont has publically signed out of the prospect of any future TF movies. Well done butty! You made a good choice…